So this week has been crazy, yes, but it’s the last two days in particular that really did me in. Saturday in particular. It went something like this:

Wednesday

Me: Cazaril, that’s about six too many hairballs. I’m calling the carpet cleaners.

Cazaril: Hmmm? Did you know there’s a bird outside this window? I bet if you let me out I could catch him.

Nimue: <bored sniff> You have no claws and almost no teeth. You’d never survive. <thinks a minute> Yes, slave human, let him out.

Me: No. He has no claws and almost no teeth and there are raccoons and foxes around. I’ve seen them.

Nimue: Whatever. I have more important things to do. <naps>

Me: Right. Now I get to move the office furniture around and make sure all the computer cords are out of the way.

Cazaril: Yay! Cords! Can I play with the mouse?

Friday

Me: Cazaril, that is my knitting. It is not a cat toy.

Cazaril: What? You didn’t get out the fishing pole toy the very instant you came into the room. <looks pathetic> Without a fishing pole toy, I have to make my own fun.

Me: <sighs> <retrieves fishing pole toy from library, where it has mysteriously relocated><plays with cat>

Cazaril: You know, I really like it with all the furniture pushed out to the edges of the room like this.

Me: Enjoy it while you can. It’s only still like that because the carpet is still damp.

Nimue: Speaking of damp carpet, my favorite sun spot is still wet. Make a lap, slave human, so I have somewhere warm to sit.

Me: You’ve taken over the couch. Isn’t that big enough for one small cat?

Nimue: Lap. Now.

Me:…

Nimue: <naps>

Saturday noon

Me: Well, that’s the dishes and three loads of laundry and some work on the book done. I’m going to sit down for a minute with the iPad.

Cazaril: Weren’t you going to move the furniture back and write that blog post?

Me: I have a couple of hours yet before I have to leave for the concert. I can take a few min… Hey!

Nimue: You have made a fine lap, slave human. I will deign to sleep on it.

Me: I thought you settled on the couch.

Nimue: I am tired of the couch cushion.

Me: There are three of them.

Nimue: I am tired of all of the couch cushions. I have shed on all of them. Now I will shed on you.

Me: Don’t settle in. I’m getting up in a minute.

Nimue: That’s what you think.

Me: I’m bigger than you are.

Nimue: <stretches, unsheathing long, sharp, curved claws> Nice slacks you have, slave human. And nice furless skin under them. Be a shame if anything were to happen to them.

Me:…

Nimue: <naps>

Cazaril: Oooo, laps! Well, a lap. Can I share?

Nimue: <opens one eye> Try it and die. I have claws and you don’t.

Cazaril: Um, yeah. How about if I sit on the top half of the slave human?

Nimue: I suppose. <naps>

Me: Wait a minute, what… Mmmpf! Cazmpgh…furry mplbf…wah! Phew!

Cazaril: You don’t like me being a neck warmer?

Me: Neck warmers are supposed to wrap around the back of the neck, not the front. They are also and especially not supposed to interfere with breathing.

Caz: Oh, all right, I’ll move down a bit, but you have to shift your arm so I won’t slide onto the Nimmie-cat. She’s scary.

Me: Now look…

Caz: <purrs>

Me: Well, at least I have a hand free for the iPad.

Cazaril: You know, you could scratch my ears any time now.

Saturday, several hours later

Me: Aack! I have to leave for the concert! Move it, cats!

Saturday, midnight

Cazaril: You’re back! Finally! I’ve been sitting here for hours.

Me: I am fatootsed.

Nimue: Fatootsed enough to forget my medication?

Me: Not quite. Open up.

Nimue: <does imitation of furry eel and slides into miniscule opening under couch>

Me: Come back here!

Me: <several hectic minutes later> Gotcha! <pills cat> Now for bed.

Cazaril: Yes, come and make a warm spot for me to sleep on. I’ve been waiting days.

Nimue: Weren’t you going to write that blog post?

Me: Aaack!

Cazaril: It’s one in the morning and I want my sleeping spot. Do it tomorrow.

And that, folks, is why I have no proper writing blog post this morning.

7 Comments
  1. Ah, yes. Good reasoning. I know that’s a good excuse because my own cats (who still have all their claws) just ‘suggested’ I agree with you.

    At least cats don’t demand status as co-authors since, by their rules, they automatically own the whole book-thing to begin with.

  2. It might not be a ‘proper’ blog post, but it was very entertaining! My cat has the same attitude (in fact I am typing around him right now).
    Thanks for sharing ^_^

  3. Yeah, getting to hear the cats’ dialogue in “Calling on Dragons” is just about my favorite part of ANY of your books. Except whichever one I’m currently reading.

  4. Who needs a proper blog post when you have this? :)Also, Fatootsed? I have no idea what it means, but I kinda love it.

  5. I had to stop reading halfway through Friday to get out the fishing pole toy for one of my own furry, er, “helpers”. So, so true.

  6. *giggles hugely*

    One of mine has found a way to sit on the chair arm, my chest, and my forearm while I’m on the laptop (my writing machine). I can sort of continue to write. Painfully. *sigh*

  7. I had a cat who used to sleep across my neck. One Saturday morning, she had kittens while so positioned.